On top of the the new SOLO BLOG PROJECT 2/3 of Canadian Doubles will be teaming up with Allie from Hyperbole-And-A-Half and a blogger to be named later (ooo suspenseful? I don’t know) to form a special group blog dedicated solely to the personification of inanimate objects.
Without further ado, we present to you RANDOM ACTS OF PERSONIFICATION
Enjoy
READERS!
Shame on you for thinking that I left you cold and alone in the blogosphere!
I’m back! But without a vengeance…
For the past several weeks I’ve been thoroughly involved with the real world. Besides, unannounced blog hiatuses are cool and totally in season right now.
But lets get down to business.
First things, writing posts is not an easy task for me. It will literally take me hours to write a one page post. And now that Im working full-time again, that’s a problem.
Secondly, let’s not kid ourselves here. I pretty much carry the weight on this group blog. With one Yanosh not having the internet and Yackmin plugging away at that master’s, it’s hard to get a good amount of contribution from all factions. So you’ve had a steady unrelenting dose of me for the past few months.
Sadly, yes, this will be the indefinite end of Canadian Doubles…
But this is not the end my blogging. So without further ado I’d like to introduce you to my new solo project.
Think of it like CDub’s on a diet. I don’t give a shit about stats or aiming for mass amounts of comments or anything like that. I just enjoy the process of writing and yammering. This blog will be lean mean and heavily saturated in quips. This blog will have pictures, audio, and maybe video. I’m going for the minimalist approach this time. I hope you like it. So until the other 2 thirds of this group return to life, you know where to find me…
http://necessarycommentary.tumblr.com/
p.s. people in the real world have a higher tendency of emitting death from their mouth than through their keyboards…
The other day I paid a visit to my local supermarket. This is the same place I spent my high school years bagging groceries and stocking fresh produce. I did this all with a giant smile on my face while I worked there. Not because I am an above average smiler, but because it was deemed necessary by management and was also cleverly stipulated in my contract. I no longer have to smile while I’m in there. I usually sport an “I’m just here on business” type of face, with the occasional “oh my god, you still work here?” on standby.
I picked up a lot of neat tricks and interesting information while working in the supermarket.
For instance, did you know that one of the ways you can tell if a watermelon is ripe is to slap or knock on the rind? If it sounds hollow then you’re good to go.
Seriously.
Go ahead and use that next time you’re at the market, people will look at you funny and people will laugh, but don’t fret, because you’ll have the ripest of melons, which when you think about it, is really all that matters when you’re in the produce department.
Also, I discovered that you can have 1,500 lbs of russet potatoes fall onto your foot without it breaking.
Anyway…
While I waited in line I noticed someone buying a bagful of mangoes. I then realized that I had never tasted a mango. I wondered if I was missing out, but more importantly, I wondered why this person needed so many mangoes. This paralyzing thought triggered flashbacks of my former line of work. It made me remember that people do weird shit in groceries.
A few examples…
-When I say that, “There are no longer any strawberries in this store” this is not code for “Please feel free to come into the storage cooler and eye every box until you see fit” Depending on my financial situation it may be code for “Meet me out back in 10 minutes. Bring the cash”
-Under no circumstance can I see any situation in which you would need to buy enough hot pockets to fill an entire paper bag. I don’t, I just don’t.
-It might seem like a genius idea to try and propel your cart into the carousel from the other side of the parking lot. It’s not. You will probably underestimate your lack of hand-eye coordination and will most likely end up hitting a car and a small child who will then in turn hit a car. Fail.
-Produce is fun, I know. But this isn’t an invitation to inspect (molest) every red delicious apple on display and then abruptly decided on some galas’ without so much as eyeing a single one.
-If you ever find yourself in need of buying 12 helium filled balloons. It isn’t common practice to stare at me apprehensively for the next 10 or so minutes while I put your order together. You have several options. You will notice that silently and solemnly staring at me is not one of them
- You could play snake on your phone
- You could make small talk while looking at some nice floral arrangement
Things we could talk about
- The weather
- The local sports teams
- Your favorite Thoreau Essay
- Mutual friends
- You could play snake on my phone
- This is also a good time to buy other things you may need
- You could contemplate string theory in the dairy aisle
You could do anything you ever imagined, yet you choose to stand their silently staring at me…
Well, it appears I’ve gone and yammered about inane thingys. Those of you expecting a serving of blog series goodness, no worries, its on deck.
Finding A Better Adjective
Part 2: A Windy City
The last time we talked I had just resigned from my job and had boarded a one-way flight for Chicago.
Why Chicago?
Simply, because I’ve always wanted to try it. I think most people would find it rather absurd to move to a city one has never stepped foot in, especially when your only goal is to experience something new. It definitely is absurd, and that is what has made this whole adventure something special. Because at 23, I didn’t need a valid reason to walk away from a complacent lifestyle.
When you appear to have gone crazy, it doesn’t hurt to have some great friends. Lucky for me, I had one already in Chicago. I had Yackmin, the same person that I let post on this blog from time to time. If Dante had Virgil, I had Yackmin.
(Yackmin, consider this shout out my informal thank you for aiding me in my moment of irrationality).
Anyway, in Chicago…
I lived in an unfurnished studio apartment. I slept on an air mattress. I had a night-stand that at any given moment could be a chair, a table, or a dresser. I survived mainly on sandwiches. I became a regular at the local coffee shop so I could access the internet. I sometimes slept at 3 in the afternoon. I sometimes wandered the streets at 3 in the morning. I found I was finally exercising some independence.
I rooted for the Cubs. I passed time with friends. I punished my body by picking up running for the first time in years. I rewarded it with plenty of beer. I realized that my life really could be packed into a suitcase. I underestimated the simplicity of carry-on. I somehow stumbled upon the blogosphere. I found that I was not alone in my views of being a twenty-something.
I visited the museums. I saw the parks. I touched the Bean. I entrenched myself in secondhand bookstores. I ate at the most inconspicuous of places. I watched the sun rise over Lake Michigan. I saw it set on the Chicago skyline. I found that the only thing that was every really stopping me, was me.
I immersed myself in more festivals than I ever thought possible. I spectated the disparity of the homeless. I witnessed random acts of kindness. I picked up my camera and shot everything. I started writing. I found my voice.
I thought about my future. I wondered if I had derailed my career. I asserted over and over that I had made the right choice. I experienced a summer that will be hard to match. I found that Chicago was a city that I could see myself living in for the next few years. I loved every moment of the journey. I was ready to stay.
And then one day, I got a letter. The kind of letter that catches you off guard. The kind of letter that reminded me that my adventure was not yet over and that there was still more to see…
As of late, I’ve been playing a substantial amount of Rockband with my buddies. And as someone who grew up playing an instrument, I can only wonder as to what the future of this musical phenomenon holds.
In the very near future, I imagine a world of sitar heroes, electronic harmonicas, and light shows, ridiculously epileptic inducing light shows.
Now, this makes me a little concernicus. Years of musical lessons and time spent practicing is losing ground to a video game that can be mastered in minutes. I feel like the awe of being able to play an actual instrument has been subsidized to 5 colored buttons.
This affects people like me the most. People who only recreational play music. I will never be able to play Jimi Hendrix or The Rolling Stones on my actual guitar as well as I can on a plastic one. And this saddens me deeply. My thunder has been stolen. My ability to play an instrument has been demoted from a talent to a novel skill.
Please don’t sit there and laugh at my towering insecurity.
Because something tells me we are on the verge of something bigger. Something tells me that music is just the fountainhead of where these games are going. Something tells me things like landscape hero or even kitchen hero are being pitched to higher ups as we speak. And something tells me, even things as wacky as scrapbook and antique car restoration hero are on the cusp of fruition.
Protect your hobbies. Nothing is safe.
